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| Xanga has been dead to me a long time, but I have something I wanted to write about, so I figured what the heck. My issue is this: what kind of boundaries should there be in guy/girl friendships? I'm not talking about dating relationships, I'm talking about friendship. Neither am I referring to the whole When Harry Met Sally debate, which is whether or not guys and girls can actually just be friends. I think they can be, but I have recently just been confronted with an issue in my life that has caused me to ask these questions.
To preface these thoughts, I think it's important to remember that I'm talking about the body of Christ right now, but I guess it could apply to our interactions with unbelievers too. When a girl flirts with a guy and has no intention of developing a relationship with him outside of friendship, is this wrong? Whether or not he falls for her or not isn't necessarily the issue, the problem is that she isn't treating him as a brother, and she isn't respecting him. It's an inadvertant attempt to control him, to have power above him. I think most people probably know the feminine power I'm speaking about. The same goes for a guy who leads a girl on, whether by flirting physically, verbally, or emotionally engaging her in a way that causes her to think there is more to their relationship than he really plans. When a man or a woman has no intention of further developing a relationship with someone, beyond platonic friendship, there ought to be boundaries in that relationship, in the way he/she behaves towards her/him. Guys have an ability to suck girls in emotionally by spilling their hearts to them, confiding them, talking to them late on the phone, ect. Girls have an ability to suck guys in by the way they dress, how the touch, what they say. Both of these examples could go either way, but in my experience, this is what it has looked like.
I guess what I think the conclusion I'm coming to is that this is part of what 'guarding my heart' looks like. I always used to think I would guard my heart when I actually was in a dating relationship, not give him everything right away, not cling and become infatuated, ect. Guarding my heart is in my friendships with guys as well. Even though I may not feel like I am at risk to fall for a guy friend, maybe he is at risk with me. What am I doing to prevent him thinking there really is more?
This is difficult because I have 2 guy friends in particular that I am thinking of who I love very much who I share alot of things with, and they share alot with me too. I can talk to them about anything that's going on, and I hope they feel the same way about me. I know that neither guy thinks of me like romantically, nor do I of them. But if I started calling them at 2am once a week or more, and talked to them all night about stuff going on in my life in a consistent basis, I wouldn't really think that I was making a wise decision, you know? Am I making any sense?
I think it's perfectly normal for us to enjoy the occasional bit of attention from the opposite sex, I know I do. But when I begin searching for that look in their eyes, or the verbal affirmation on a regular basis, it becomes wrong. I know I'm setting myself up for a cycle of dispointment and continual low self-esteem, plus I'm probably hurting others in the process. I bet most everyone has been seriously screwed over at least once by a guy or girl who gave them all the right signals but for one reason or another completely rejected you. And it probably made you feel like absolute crap. I know this is not what God intended. I don't think God intended me to ever have my heart broken by a boy. He taught me alot through the pain of rejection, but if I had been wise in setting boundaries in my male friendships, I think that nothing remotely close to the crap I put myself through would have happened. Unless a guy communicates to me clearly that he is interested in something more, then I am to treat him respectfully in a way that would not cause harm to me or him. And because I'm old fashioned I'll say this too, guys, unless you clearly to communicate to a girl you want something more, don't assume that she is on the same page as you. I just think alot of heartache could be saved. People are completely allowed to totally disagree if they want, I don't think that I am an authority, these are just my thoughts.
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| Dang it's been like 3 months since I last blogged. I am in beautiful Ft. Lauderdale Florida right now, one of the happiest places ever. It's just me and 9 other girls, and it's been pure bliss so far. The weather has been over 75 everyday, and almost everyone is burned. I'm one of those wierd people who likes the feeling of being burned. I think its just the whole beach experience. I love it!!! We have grilled out, played tennis, gone to the beach everyday, gone to a drive in, and had tons of fun in between. This is the most fun I've had in a long time. God is good, and I have such good friends. I am so thankful that I'm here on this trip b/c I was afraid that gay Cracker Barrel was going to make me stay and work, but a girl offered to work for me at the last minute(literally), so thank God for that. I can't believe it's already Thursday :(
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| I am bored. It took almost 2 weeks for it to happen, but I am
finally bored of being at home, watching tv, reading books, shopping,
and sleeping in. I'm ready to do something with my life
now. Not exactly read to go to school...but do something. I
have exhausted all of my Christmas money and have alot of stuff to show
for it, which is fun, but now I'm not sure what I'm going to do with
myself now. Maybe I'll work on my ping pong skills and beat my
cocky little brothers. Oh I just remembered I still have $13 in
starbucks giftcards. That's something to look forward to.
And Misty's birthday party tomorrow. Maybe I'll meet the man of
my dreams there and my problems of boredom will be solved b/c I'll go
out on a date every night until school. I can wear all my new
clothes. I'll keep everyone updated on that end of things if
anything happens, don't worry.
New Years Eve it looks like is going to be me and my mom. We are
going to watch the made for tv movie, It. Funny thing about that
actually, the other night we tried to watch and were totally pissed b/c
it was so awful, and we kept saying, "The whole thing is
backwards! They are messing up the order!" It turns out we
watched part II first. It came on tv the other night, that's how
we figured out. The part with the kids is much better, they are better
actors (still nothing to write home about) than the adults.
My mom says it's b/c they are all comedy actors except richard
thomas. Which is true. Ugh but that man has the largest
mole on the side of his face which is so distracting and gross. And he
has a ponytail. That is scarier than the clown I think.
Well...when he doesn't show his teeth. But we are going to try to
bear through the whole thing. I know it will be awful, but it
will be good mom daughter bonding time since my dad will be out of
town, courtney will be at some party, and landry is working and then
going to a party. Taylor will probably be home though. Before I
die I would like to go to a fun fancy party for New Years Eve, like in
the OC or something. I think it would be fun to get dressed up
and have somewhere to go. But for now staying at home with my mom
is ok.
I'm going upstairs now and read Pet Sematary. Supposedly it is
Stephen Kings' scariest, but I haven't been all that impressed. A
cat has come back from the dead, not that scary. But I'm not even
half through it yet, so I'm still giving it a chance.
Oh and you may think I'm obsessed, but seriously, the music for mix 5 of the OC is incredible. I recommend it to anyone.
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| Some updates about my life
Because of Cameron(one of the coolest people EVER) I am going to see U2 on Saturday!! I think my whole life will be improved because of this fact.
Becky has found the man of her dreams, things are getting serious, and I am ecstatic for her.
My SIP is due in 16 days!! I don't even have 15 pages yet!! Yes!!!
I have some of the greatest friends in the whole world.
I am finding out that people screw up and disappoint me all the time. Even when what they have done isn't towards me it hurts to see them living their lives in a dumb way. It also makes me angry. I know I shouldn't feel that way because Lord knows I'm a sinner ...
A week until I go to DC for Thanksgiving. I think I'm going to miss my family.
I'm 90% sure I'm going to Jackson MS for grad school, next fall. I'm going to bite the bullet and take out even MORE loans. It seems contradictory that God would be leading me in this direction, but I feel this is it. I don't want to go!!
That's about it for now. | | |
| At 21 years of age I went trick or treating last night.
And Landry and Roger came with me! That made my night
seriously. But it's the first time I've gone in a couple
years. I never reached the age where I thought I was too cool to
trick or treat though. Even when I was like 13 and 14 I jumped at
the chance to dress up. Thats my favorite part is dressing up, I
could care less about the candy. This year I'm determined to give
it all away before I eat it. All I ever eat now is sugar, its
terrible. But my mom made me this cute little halloween basket,
and I feel bad not eating the candy in it. I already ate some,
but still, my mom made it for me, so I feel like I need to eat
it.
Last night I wasted 2 hours of my life watching the Ring 2,
which was retarded. I liked the first one, but this one was so
stupid. There was not one scary part. The little boy in it
was the most annoying thing ever. The only good thing were the
people there, Roger, Ryan, and Beth.
Now that Halloween is over I'm listening to Christmas music. Hooray for Christmas!
This Thanksgiving I'm going to Washington DC for break with
Carolann and Julia. We're going to stay with their brothers Ellis
and Cal. I'm really excited about it, I think it will be alot of
fun. I love DC, hopefully it will be decorated and stuff. I
don't think Julia's family was all that excited that I was coming at
first, b/c the house is going to be kind of crowded, but I think they
got over it, and everything is ok now. That is the only thing
that could make it wierd, but I think I'll be fine.
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